I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
