Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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