a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
