I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
