she woke up with a sticky ear
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
