I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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