Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
