apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
