i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
