thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She's the barista slut.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
