You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize