Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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