Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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