Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
