proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
