break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
