Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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