The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
