everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
