no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
