she looked like the bat from fern gully.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
