i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
