I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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