3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
