Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
