Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
