My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
