I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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