I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
