I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
