i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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