I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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