I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
