dude i'm inner monologue high
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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