ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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