True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
