'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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