dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
