that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
