So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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