how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
