i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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