Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
