how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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