I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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