Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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