also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
