I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
