nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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