we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i came on her dog
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
