You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize