Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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