I wish I could teleport
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm like, not good at living.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
