I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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