come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize