How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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