He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
