i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
