If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
