the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
