I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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