What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize