You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She bit a glass in half.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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