oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
