I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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