are you so shy because you have an std?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
