If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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