proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
