dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
