I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
