It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
