i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
