Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
